I have 2 planners: one for college and one for my blog. I have a digital calendar for all my events along with a dry erase board for my weekly schedule. I write every assignment due that week on a sticky note and put it on my wall. On top of that, I have a million different to-do lists. It is nearly impossible for something to slip through my system. Being late or missing a deadline makes me extremely anxious. On the outside, I look like a perfectionist, but on the inside, it is much more. This is my life with high-functioning anxiety.
I function above-average to distract my brain from the anxieties of everyday life. Don’t you dare screw up my schedule, or you’ll screw me up too. If a class gets canceled or plans with friends get pushed back a day, I spiral into a low-functioning period with my newfound free time. You’d think I’d be doing something productive but I didn’t plan on being productive during that time. My schedule and routine is a precious and sacred part of my life. I need 3-5 business days to process schedule changes.
You’d think that I’d absolutely dread public speaking, but I actually love it. You know as long as it’s planned and prepared. I can’t just go out and wing it, never. I get jitters when I speak but I turn on a different version of myself once I get going. It’s the one thing I feel confident in my abilities, you know, as long as I’m prepared. Don’t you dare ask me to impromptu, then you’ll really see my nervous habits. If I’m put on the spot with no preparation, I will shake, lose my train of thought, and slur my words.
Then you talk to me in private and I’m a different person. I’m shy and awkward, but I promise I’m friendly. I want to be comfortable with a person before I show any personality. Once you break that barrier, you’d probably see why. My personality can be a bit obnoxious and occasionally unfiltered. You may also realize that I have a lot of restless energy. I constantly need to moving, fidgeting, or shaking my leg.
There’s a lot more than meets the eye, I have a deep intellect. I have very ambitious aspirations and very deep passions. But I need to have a plan for those aspirations. I want to know what I’m going to do with my life and I stress myself out when I question my plans. I hate not knowing. Short and long term, do not mess with my plans.
For good and bad, this is my life with high-functioning anxiety.